


Lookin' for angels in the darkest of skies

by jessie11



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Anachronism, Android Gideon (DC's Legends of Tomorrow), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bloodlust, Episode: s01e09 Left Behind, F/F, Post-Episode: s06e23 Life Sentence, The Waverider (DC's Legends of Tomorrow)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:52:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessie11/pseuds/jessie11
Summary: "Ava, I killed someone," Sara whispers and finally the first tear leaves her eyes and rolls down while cleaning some blood of her cheek.Sara can't wait to return to Aruba after her father's funeral. However, that never happens. Sara's bloodlust returns due to an unfixable anachronism. Can Ava help her or will the darkness take over?





	1. Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies

Sara never thought that she would long for the feeling of the sun on her skin ever again. 

Yet, here she is in Star City, wanting to return to Aruba. She's aware it doesn't have anything to do with the bad weather in Star City. In fact, she knows what makes her want to leave her birth city. However, the thing that makes her want to leave, also makes her want to stay.   

Her dad. 

Her dad who they just buried. Or maybe it has been hours ago. She has lost track of time, which has been an unfamiliar feeling since she boarded the Waverider. Thinking of the Waverider makes an unease spread through her whole body. How easy would it be to travel a week back in time and just push her father out of the way of that fatal bullet? 

Sara knows she can. And she knows she can't. 

She went through this with Laurel. Doing it again would only drive her crazy. Still, it's so tempting. Her job is to safe people and she does. They have saved so many people that she has lost count. The only people she can't save, are the ones closest to her. It makes her wonder how much more she can take before she breaks. She doesn't want to break, but it's inevitable. Every person has their breaking point, even she. Sure, the Amazo and the League may have pushed her close to her breaking point, but she never reached it . But this - losing the people she loves - it feels worse than all the torturing and killing she did.  

If only she never left the League. In the League there was no time for caring about death. Death was just a part of their daily lives and she got good at dealing with it. Maybe too good, if she has to be honest. 

But those days are behind her. She has to deal with this as a normal person, although she told Ava all those weeks ago that she would never be normal. She can't help wondering if Ava knows about her father's death already. Nobody really knows actually. When she got the call from Laurel - who isn't really her Laurel - she didn't tell anyone. 

The last thing she wanted to do, was having to explain that her sister from another earth called to let her know her father (from this earth) was in the hospital. Sara couldn't even really understand it herself. Telling the others would only raise more questions and she wasn't ready for that. 

She had wanted to call Ava. She really did, but at the end she didn't. After picking up the phone to call her and putting it back down many times, she decided that she would tell Ava after everything was over. Sara knew that Ava wanted to be there for her. The only problem is that Sara wasn't sure if she wanted Ava to help her get through this. She still isn't sure. 

After breaking up and getting back together again, they decided to keep things casual. Sara would enjoy her time off with her team and Ava would deal with the remaining anachronisms. Eventually, they would meet each other again and start to rekindle their relationship. 

But with her father dying, Sara has no idea with that will ever happen.

She has never had someone to help her deal with hardship. During everything that happened to her, she was alone. And suddenly, there is Ava, who would be more than willing to help. It's a welcome feeling and Sara has no idea how to handle it. 

The only thing that she knows, it that she could really use a drink right now. She throws one last look at her father's gravestone and then turns around. Without looking back, she leaves the graveyard. 

She makes her way over to the center of the city. Almost every bar that she passes is unfamiliar. It makes her realize how long she has been gone. The only bar that she frequented when she returned was Verdant and that isn't an option right now. She passes all the high-end bars and continues walking until she is in the lesser part of the city. 

It is the part between the Glades and the rich part of Star City. It's where she had felt most at home. She enters the first bar she sees. It looks rather sketchy. The windows are too dirty to be able to look through and the door could really use some new paint. The door creaks when she opens it, but no customer bothers to look at her. A strong smell of beer, sweat and even sex engulfs her when she enters the bar. 

Sara doesn't really register the awful smell. Her eyes are set on the bar. An uninterested barman takes her order after she has taken her place at the bar. She looks at the other people while waiting for her whiskey. 

All the way to the left is a man in a suit. His tie hangs loose around his neck and he has unbuttoned his shirt. He even looks more out of place than Sara does. Another man is sitting between the man in suit and Sara herself. His beer belly is a clear indication that he comes here too often. Sara gets a bad vibe from him and she decides to keep an eye out for him. Especially after he grins at her when he catches her eye. The right side of the bar is occupied by two teenagers who are clearly too young to drink, but nobody really cares about that here. 

Not a bad crowd, actually. No one will start asking questions. 

The barman places a glass with scotch in front of her and Sara downs it in one go. She gestures towards the barman to fill it again and he happily complies. 

This time she drinks it slower. She takes a sip and then puts the glass down. She starts carefully spinning it around and watches how the liquid follows her movement. This continues until she drinks the last drop of whiskey in her glass. 

She hasn't even put her glass down, when it suddenly happens. 

First, she feels a splitting headache. It's so severe that tears start burning in her eyes. She isn't even aware of her surroundings anymore. The only thing she can focus on is the headache and the darkness she sees from closing her eyes. She starts feeling dizzy and she has to grab to bar to prevent herself from falling off the bar stool. 

Just when she thinks she is going to pass out from the pain, it is over. 

The headache has disappeared. Slowly, she opens her eyes again. 

The sounds of the bar return and it takes a few seconds for her sight to return. Only the strange man next to her is looking at her. The rest doesn't even seem to have noticed. 

Even though the headache is gone, she still doesn't feel good. 

"I'll be right back," she mumbles to the barman before running to the exit in the back. 

The door leads to an alley, which is empty. 

She leans against the wall. Not even caring about the sticky substance on it that she feels. She closes her eyes once again in the hope that it will make this weird feeling go away.

All her organs seem to be squirming. It is as if her brain is turned upside down. A hunger starts to spread through her veins until she feels it everywhere. The feeling is all too familiar. 

"It looks like you could use some company," a deep voice says. "I hate to see a pretty girl like you alone." 

Sara doesn't have to open her eyes to guess to whom the voice belongs. 

"Just leave," she sighs almost defeated. She has no time and all of a sudden no energy to deal with him.  

He chuckles. "Why? I thought we could have some fun."

She hears him move closer to her. In the meantime, her body feels as if it is imploding. She has no idea what is happening - only that it hurts. 

"What's wrong with you bitch?" he growls in her ear when she apparently ignored him. 

His last word makes her open her eyes and she sees red. Not just a red glance. This red she has seen so many times. 

Blood. 

He grabs her arm, which is the last thing he should have done. She turns her head to look at him. When she sees his ugly mustache and sweaty forehead, she knows what is going to happened and she can't stop it. 

She can hear his blood streaming and his heart beating, even though that should be impossible. Her mind runs through a thousand ways to kill him as long as there is blood. Lots of it. 

And then it is as is everything explodes. 

With the hand he isn't still holding, she grabs the knife that she has hidden in her sleeve. With one fluent movement, she turns around and stabs the knife in his throat. His eyes widen and he tries to step back, but she grabs his arm and pushes him against the wall. 

The blood that is spraying out of the wound in his neck only fuels her. After seeing the blood, she can finally breath again, but it isn't enough. The man is still breathing. 

She moves her hand from his wrist and puts her arm against his neck, so there is no way he can move. It also makes it harder for him to breath and thus to resist. The blood is leaking from his neck all over her arm, but she doesn't care. Actually, she likes the feeling of the warm liquid on her arm. Goosebumps spread all over her body. 

Sara pulls the knife out of his neck and stabs him in his abdomen. Again, and again, and again. She goes on until the man is nothing but a limp body in her arms. Only then does the red in front of her eyes leave and the intense hunger leaves her body.

She steps back and the lifeless body falls to the ground. A small chuckle of joy escapes her mouth when she hears the thud of his body hitting the floor. Proudly, she looks at the mutilated corpse in front of her. 

And then it hits her. 

She just killed someone and she enjoyed it. She staggers back, her eyes never leaving the dead man. The knife falls from her hand. Sara keeps moving backwards until she hits the wall of the other building. Slowly, she slides to the ground. She wants to bury her head in her hands and just cry, but she can't. Her eyes are unable to move away from the corpse and her hands are drenched with blood. 

She has no idea what to do, which is weird because this isn't her first kill. 

However, she exactly knows what is different this time in comparison with all those hits during her time in the League. 

This is the bloodlust. 

She can never forget that feeling. 

But the bloodlust isn't her biggest problem right now. There is a dead man lying in front of her and she is covered in his blood. All those people in the bar saw them. If someone were to discover her here, there would be no denying it. 

She needs to get rid of the body and get the hell out of Star City. She, however, is in no state to hide all the evidence right now. 

With shaking hands, she grabs her phone from her pocket and dials the first number she sees. She has no time to second-guess herself, because the person immediately picks up. 

"Hi, Sara!" 

Sara's silent for a moment. It gives her the time to just relish hearing Ava's voice, before telling her something that will change everything. 

"Ava, I killed someone," she whispers and finally the first tear leaves her eyes and rolls down, cleaning some blood of her cheek.

 

 

* * *

   


Ava sighs happily when she finally returns from fixing another anachronism. This one had been a little more complicated than the others, but nothing she can't handle. Uncharacteristically, she falls down in her chair and slouches a bit. She lets out a sigh of frustration. Not because the last mission. It isn't the mission that is bothering her. It's Sara. 

During Sara's time off, they have held contact and started to make plans for their time together. However, it has been two days since she last heard from her and even before that, Sara started acting strange. She still answered Ava's texts, but it was different. There was barely any banter and not one flirty comment, which is not like Sara at all. 

Ava has the means to just check where Sara is and if she's alright, but she doesn't want to invade Sara's privacy. It is very likely that Sara just got distracted in Aruba. She's probably swimming or just sleeping. Maybe her team messed something up and Sara has to deal with that, which is actually the most reasonable explanation for her absence. Or maybe she is distracted by all the hot women on Aruba. 

Ava groans while she pinches the bridge of her nose at that particular thought. It's the first thing she came up with and she forced herself not to think about it. It would only make her jealous and she has no right to be jealous. It isn't as if their relationship is official. Sara is free to do whatever - or whoever - she wants. 

Sara probably just needs some space and Ava is willing to give her that, although it takes everything to refrain herself from snooping around a bit. 

But what if Sara is just waiting for her to make the next move? 

With another groan she opens her drawer and grabs her phone. She can call Sara, right? Only to make sure she's okay. 

Just when she's about to call Sara, her picture appears on the screen. 

For a second, Ava contemplates letting it ring for a while, just to put Sara on edge. Ava, however, is too anxious to talk to Sara and immediately picks up. 

"Hi, Sara," she greets her, too relieved for her own liking. 

A heavy feeling settles in her stomach when she hears Sara's hard breathing. Something is wrong. 

"Ava, I killed someone." 

Something is completely wrong. 

Sara's voice sounds scared. Ava never imagined hearing her talk like this. 

Sara continues muttering something, but it is incomprehensible. 

"Sara, where are you now?" Ava asks. She can hear the panic in her own voice. 

No answer. 

"What is happening?" 

Still nothing. 

"Sara, are you okay?"

It is silent again and Ava has to do everything to stop the panic from taking over. She has to be calm and collected to deal with this. Sara needs her, that much is clear. 

"Please, help," Sara whispers before the line goes silent. 

With a frustrated scream, Ava throws her phone on her desk. 

She leans on her desk and stares at her computer while trying to come up with a plan and repress her panic at the same time. 

First, she has to figure out where Sara is. Is there a chance she's still in Aruba? 

Most likely not. Ava could hear the sound of a city in the background. Star City? Maybe she went to visit her father. 

Ava feels hurt that Sara is back in the States but didn't bother visiting her. She ignores it for now. There are more pressing matters. 

She turns her computer on and connects it to her phone. Within a few minutes she has traced their last call. 

Star City. 

In a small alley behind some bar. 

That can't be good, right? 

Or maybe it's nothing. There is a possibility that Sara just drunk too much. She, however, can handle her alcohol very well, so it's not very likely. 

Ava loads a new magazine in her gun and tucks it back into the waistband of her pants. With one click on the computer, she transfers to location to her watch and opens a portal. 

With a final nod, she steps through the portal onto the streets of Star City. 

It takes some time to orientate herself, but when she turns around, her heart skips a beat. 

There is a man lying on the ground. It's clear that he is dead. 

There is a pool of blood around him and his shirt is completely soaked in his own blood. It looks as if his whole abdomen is stabbed to pieces. Ava isn't sure, but it looks like there are pieces of his organs leaking through the wounds.  

Ava has seen a lot, but this causes a bile to rise in her throat. This man was brutally murdered - slaughtered.

Could Sara... 

Ava can't even finish that thought. There's no way, right? 

But when she looks to the other side of the alley, she sees the only confirmation she needs. 

Sara is leaning against the wall. Her knees pulled up, so her head is resting on it. She has her arms wrapped around her legs and is slowly rocking back and forth. 

There is blood everywhere. Her arms are covered in it. There is even blood on her face. 

A knife is laying in front of her, also covered in blood.  

Ava has no idea what to think and feel right now. She is disgusted by the murder scene she just saw, but when she looks at Sara, there is no room for disgust. She feels fear, surprise even, but most of all she feels worried about the woman that has wormed her way into Ava's heart. 

The woman that looks so small and defeated right now. 

Ava tries to mask all her feelings, before she approaches Sara. She can only hope the only thing visible on her face right now is support. 

This isn't Sara and Ava knows this. Something must have happened. 

As if she is approaching a scared animal, she slowly walks towards Sara and crouches down in front of her. She places her hand on Sara's knees to stop her frantic movements. 

Ava tries to make eye-contact with Sara, but her eyes are glued to the man behind Ava. She doesn't even blink. 

In order the take Sara's sight of that awful scene behind her, Ava removes one hand and places it carefully on Sara's cheek. She slightly moves Sara's head, so her eyes are on Ava. 

Ava softly gasps when she sees the tears in Sara's eyes. 

"It's okay," she tries to reassure Sara in vain. 

Sara only starts to shake her head. "No, no, no," she mutters. 

She has to get Sara out of here. It will only be a matter of time before someone spots them. Besides, she doesn't think it will do Sara any good if they stay here. 

"You know what," she starts, trying to get Sara to focus on her again. "I will get you out of here and then we will take care of everything. Alright?"

Sara slowly nods and Ava grabs her hands to pull her up. She opens a portal to her own apartment. When it becomes clear that Sara isn't going to leave voluntarily, Ava puts an arm around her and guides her through the portal. 

She tells Sara to take a shower, while she takes care of everything. Sara only nods again and walks towards the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood behind her. 

Ava waits until Sara closes the door before returning through the portal once again. When she is back in the alley, she tries to come up with a plan. She could just go back in time and stop Sara from murdering that man, but she has no intel about the situation. She has no idea what happened and if she can even stop Sara from killing someone. 

She read Sara's file and it isn't hard to guess what happened here. Based on the wounds the man has and the amount of blood everywhere, this could only have been one thing. 

Bloodlust. 

Which means that if she were to go back in time, it isn't even sure if she can stop Sara. Once the bloodlust takes over, there is no way of preventing this from happening. 

Sara barely talked about what happened to her after she was resurrected by the Lazarus' pit and Ava never asked. It seemed like something that Sara wasn't willing to talk about, just like her time on the Amazo or some things that had happened while she was with the League. 

She has to talk to Sara about this. Maybe they even have to contact that god-awful man Constantine. After all, he gave her back her soul and maybe has an idea what is happening. Until then, however, she can't leave that body there. Or any witnesses. They must have seen Sara. The alley doesn't lead to any busy streets, so they must have been in the bar. 

Ava opens the door and enters the bar. She tries not to judge the people who are sitting in this liveless place. Before she starts to wipe everyone's memories, she asks the barman if anyone has left the last hour. Luckily, no one has entered or left the bar after Sara. 

Ava nods and then starts to use her flasher. It is just as if she is fixing a normal anachronism. 

After she has made sure that she has dealt with everyone, she goes back to the alley. She checks the alley to be sure that there are no surveillance cameras. The only thing that is left, is the body.  

A plan starts to form in her head. 

"Am I really going to do that?" she softly asks herself. She has no choice. There is no way anyone wouldn't condemn this. Not the Time Bureau, not the local police. With a case like this, the FBI might even get involved. 

"What have you done to me, Lance?" she mutters while opening a portal. She starts to drag the body behind her through the portal. It leads towards another alley in Star City with no surveillance cameras and witnesses. She can't risk placing him in another time. It could only create another anachronism. Besides, she doesn't have time to really get rid of the body in the current time. Moreover, she has no clue how to hide a corpse properly. That isn't exactly required from a Time Bureau agent. 

She opens a portal again and finally returns to her apartment. She's aware this doesn't fix the problem, but it at least gives them time to come up with a strategy. Someone can always go back in time to stop her from doing all this. She just had to make sure nobody started asking questions. 

It makes her realize what she has done. Getting rid of witnesses, hiding a body. She just covered up a murder. A murder that her girlfriend - or whatever they are right now - committed. She takes a seat on her couch and starts to rub her temples, trying to wrap her head around everything. 

She is so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't hear the bathroom door opening. 

It's only when she hears Sara's voice that she looks up. 

"I'm sorry," Sara tells her softly while leaning against the door post. 

Ava is relieved to see her clean again. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it," she starts and Sara nods while biting on her lower lip. 

Ava knows it isn't the right time, but she can't help but notice how beautiful Sara looks in one of her sweatpants and old sweaters. 

Sara walks over to the couch and takes a seat next to her. She's just out of touching distance and she avoids eye contact. Her eyes trained on some magazine that is laying on the table in front of them. 

"I was afraid you had left," Ava admits, just to break the silence and maybe to get Sara to start talking. 

Sara just shrugs. "You were back sooner than I thought." 

They are silent again. The clock is softly ticking in the background and she can hear the children of her neighbors playing on the street. It's so normal during a situation that is so far from normal. 

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Ava asks, surprised by the softness in her voice. It has been a long time since she used that tone. 

Sara swallows and tries even harder not to look Ava in the eye. When Ava is sure Sara is about to leave, she opens her mouth. It takes a few seconds before she starts to speak. 

"I lost control." 

Ava nods, encouraging her to continue. 

"The bloodlust. It was back so suddenly." 

"Okay," Ava lets her know she is listening, her tone just above a whisper. "Do you know how?" 

Sara shakes her head. "I thought I had it under control. Those two years with the League helped immensely." 

Sara has to pause before she can continue with a shake breath.

"But today, it came back. Just as strong as it was when Rip recruited me."

Ava places her hand on Sara's cheek again. 

"We are going to fix this," she says with as much conviction as she can when she finally sees those blue eyes again. 

Sara nods. 

"Thank you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!  
> I hope you liked the first chapter!  
> I'm planning to make the next chapters longer, but I wanted to post this chapter already to see whether y'all like it. So, let me know what you think :)


	2. Careful what you wish for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the chapter titles are lyrics from Miracle by CHVRCHES btw :)

 

"So, what now?" Sara asks. Her tone still sounds defeated and it breaks Ava's heart to hear her talk like that.  

Ava sighs while she tries to come up with an answer. She can be honest with Sara and tell her that she has no idea, but that isn't who she is. People turn to her when they need answers. She always has a plan when nobody has a clue what to do. This is the first time that she has come up empty.  

"We need to figure out what happened," she eventually tells Sara. 

It's a vague answer and not even remotely close to an actual plan, but at least it's something. Besides, Sara seems to take comfort in the fact that Ava isn't completely lost for words.  

Sara nods. "Yeah, but how?"  

Ava has to refrain herself from rolling her eyes. That's the point. She doesn't know how. There isn't exactly a protocol that says how to deal with a sort-of-girlfriend who suddenly has the need to kill.  

"Maybe Gideon can help," Sara offers when Ava remains silent.  

Why hasn't she thought of that before? "That might work," Ava mumbles, already setting her time courier. A few seconds later a portal opens and the bridge of the Waverider becomes visible.  

"Let's go and fix this mess," Sara says optimistically, before walking through the portal.  

Ava follows her, never taking her eyes of Sara. Somehow, she can see right through her. Sara's shoulders are squared and she has this confident sway in her step. Most people wouldn't think anything is wrong. Ava isn't most people. The last few months she has come to understand Sara. This confident - sometimes even cocky - act is just a façade. Ava doesn't need to talk to Sara or even look her in the eye to know that she's crumbling under what's happening.  

It's actually really easy to see when one knows what to look for. Ava can easily spot how Sara slightly drags her feet. How her shoulders are just a bit too tense to be natural. What she didn't notice before is the way Sara constantly takes in her surroundings. Of course, she knows that Sara is trained by the League of Assassins and it's just natural for her to always be aware of her surroundings, but this time it is different. Her head never stops moving in every direction. The movements are small, but big enough for Ava to notice. She wonders if Sara is looking for danger or if she's actually afraid she is the danger herself.   

"Gideon," Sara calls out.  

The AI immediately comes back on. "Welcome back, Captain."  

Sara turns around to look at Ava, her eyes slightly narrowing when she sees Ava's concerned look. 

"Medbay?" she asks as much as she orders.  

Ava nods. "Lead the way."  

She has to speed up a bit to walk next to Sara. From the corner of her eye, she keeps watching Sara. Ava can't stop the nerves from spreading through her body. They will fix this. They always do. Yet, there is a small insecure part of her that keeps thinking about what to do when they can't figure out what is wrong.  

They reach the Medbay and Sara takes place with a sigh. "Alright Gideon, let's find out what's wrong."  

While Sara lays back, Gideon informs them about the different tests that she's planning to do. Ava doesn't really care. She just wants some answers. It's very unlike her to not care about the details, but this is Sara. By now, Ava's aware of the effect that the stubborn captain has on her. And frankly, she doesn't care about that either.  

Different lights run over Sara, mostly focused on her head. Sara appears to be relaxed as if this is just a regular check-up.  

When the lights disappear and Gideon seems to process everything, Ava holds her breath. She will be able to breathe again once Gideon has told them what she found.  

"It appears that the Captain is suffering from bloodlust. Her brainwaves resonate with that from her old bloodlust." 

It takes everything not to yell at Gideon. They already knew that, although it actually stings to have it confirmed. After she is over the initial shock herself, Ava turns to Sara, who is just staring ahead.  

Sara's eyes are trained on nothing in particular. Ava can see the thoughts flying behind her eyes.  

"Sara," she says carefully. The last thing she wants is to startle Sara while she is so lost in thoughts. Ava hates herself for the fact that she's already acting more careful around Sara, but she has to. Right?  

They have no idea how bad the bloodlust is. Hopefully, Gideon has some answers.  

"How bad is it?" Ava asks when it becomes clear that Sara isn't going to say anything any time soon.  

In the time that it takes for Gideon to answer, Sara turns her head to Ava.  

Ava softly gasps. There are tears burning in Sara's eyes. It remains a strange sight to see Sara so close to crying.  

"Based on the most recent data, the bloodlust is as bad as it was when Rip first recruited her." 

Sara doesn't even react. She probably already knew. 

"Have I ever told you about this mission with Rip when we went after Savage's financial assets?" she asks instead. 

Ava shakes her head. Sara indeed never told her about that, but she can't deny that she never read about it in her file. Ava doesn't tell her that though. This is clearly something that Sara wants to talk about.  

"We went to this bank in 1975 to weaken his finances, but they figured out why we were there. And I just killed them."  

Her statement hangs in the air for a few seconds before she continues again. "Rip barely managed to stop me from killing the manager." 

Sara swallows some words back. Or maybe tears. Ava has no idea. All she knows is that she wants to see Sara happy again. 

"We're not going to let that happen again," she reassures her.  

Sara only hums. "How?" 

"Well, you got over it once before. Who says you can't do it again?" 

Ava can feel herself starting to hope again. They can get through this. How could she forget that Sara is one of the strongest persons she knows? Of course, she's going to get through this.  

"Yeah, but the last time I was with the League for two years," Sara mumbles as an answer.  

"Then we're just going to do what you did back then," Ava replies full of courage once again. "Except for the killing, maybe," she adds after a second.  

She watches how Sara sits back up again and swings her legs of the edge. Sara doesn't look like she heard anything of what Ava just said.  

"When I was left behind with Ray and Kendra, I went back to the League," Sara starts, while she's clearly still deep in her thoughts. Her voice sounds distant, but Ava can see the wheels turning in her head. "During those years I dealt with the bloodlust. What if -"  

Sara doesn't have to finish her sentence for Ava to understand what she wants to say.  

"What if there was an anachronism during your time there?" Ava completes Sara's thought.  

Sara clicks her fingers and points at Ava. "Exactly."  

With renewed energy, Sara springs back on her feet and starts walking towards the bridge.  

"Gideon!" her voice rings out once they reach the bridge of the Waverider.  

"Yes, Captain?" 

Sara puts both her hands on the desk and stares at the screen in front of her. Ava takes place besides her. They are close enough to let Sara know that Ava is there for her, but she's out of reaching distance. This seems like a situation in which Sara wants her space and Ava is more than willing to give it to her.  

"Can you tell me if there are any anachronisms between 1958 and 1960 in Nanda Parbat?"  

Gideon answers instantly. "For unknown reasons the herbs used for the meditation aren't available anymore, which made Ra's Al Ghul choose another way of treatment." 

Sara opens her mouth to ask further, but Ava interrupts her. "So, you're saying that the bloodlust returned because of some plant that didn't grow?"  

"That is correct, director Sharpe." 

Ava scoffs full of unbelieve. "That's ridiculous."  

She feels rather than sees Sara take both her hands. It makes her turn around to look in those intense blue eyes.  

"It really isn't Ava. It was the only thing that helped me." 

Ava tries her best to calm herself down. It doesn't help anyone if she starts freaking out. Sara needs her to be calm and collected, so that's what she's going to be.  

"I will go back to Nanda Parbat and see why those herbs aren't there anymore," she decides. 

Sara nods. "That's a good idea. I will monitor you from the Waverider." 

Ava hasn't even opened her portal yet, when Gideon speaks up. "I strongly recommend not to intervene in 1958." 

"What, why?" Sara asks shocked, turning around to look at the hologram of Gideon.  

"Due to Captain Lance's severe timedrift during that time, intervening would have countless consequences." 

Ava rolls her eyes. She's always known to be cautious, but she just has to make sure Sara doesn't see her. That doesn't seem too hard. She just has to go there, water some plants or something like that and return to her not-yet girlfriend. Sounds like nothing could go wrong. 

"Why?" Sara asks irritated, but somehow she still sounds a bit fascinated.  

"Were you to discover director Sharpe in 1958, it would reduce your timedrift enormously. Captain Lance, however, would still be stuck in 1958. This effect has been known to drive time masters crazy," Gideon explains.  

Ava slowly lowers her arm and turns her time courier off. Going back to 1958 and fixing the anachronism clearly isn't an option anymore. While she tries to come up with a new plan, she feels the desperation return. She can't bear it to look at Sara. Ava can only imagine what she's going through right now.  

"Do you have any other ideas?" Ava asks her, just to break the tense silence that has settled over them.  

"No, but we don't have much time. I've no idea when the bloodlust will return. I killed that man, so it has been sedated for a while," Sara thinks aloud, but it also makes her realize what she just said. "I killed that man," she repeats herself shocked.  

Sara hides her face in her hands and starts to rub her temples. "I killed someone," she mumbles again.  

She doesn't sound particular upset or agitated. In fact, Sara almost sounds at peace and it puts Ava on edge. She just brutally killed someone and there's no hint of regret or remorse in her voice, only something close to acceptation. It reminds Ava of their initial plan.  

"What if we just start doing whatever you did in the League, like we talked about?" 

Sara shrugs. "That could work for now. It would at least decrease the bloodlust." 

"I will fabricate the tea," Gideon says before going silent again.  

Ava and Sara just look at each other. Neither saying anything.  

"You know it took me two years in the League to stop the bloodlust from clouding my judgement," Sara remarks, but her implication is clear.  

She will kill again and they don't have a way to stop it.  

 

* * *

   

Sara really wants Ava to stay, but she should ask her to leave. It's the most logical thing to do.  

Ava has enough to deal with on her own. She doesn't need some crazy assassin turning her life upside down even more. Moreover, it's probably what Sara deserves. Like she has stated before; she's death and there is no way to change that. It was only a matter of time before something would happen that would suck her right back down that path of destruction, which she knows she's able of creating.  

She's death.  

It's time Ava started to realize that. But when Sara looks at the stoic director, she can't help but melt. Her hard edges become soft and she just wants to curl up and cuddle with her.  

Like normal people, even though they are far from normal.  

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ava snaps her out of her trance.  

Sara shrugs and leans against the console. "Not really."  

Ava looks like she wants to say something more, but Sara doesn't give her a chance. "Besides, there is something I would much rather do." 

She moves forward and while she grabs Ava, she turns her around. This way, she can push Ava against the console. Sara moves one hand towards Ava's hip to keep control and she lays her other hand on Ava's arm. She slowly starts rubbing her hand up and down and she can hear Ava swallow.  

With a smug grin on her face, Sara moves closer towards Ava's neck. She's so close that she's sure that Ava can feel her breath, but not close enough to touch. She knows she is teaching her relentlessly, but she doesn't really care about that right now.  

She needs this.  

Her lips finally graze Ava's skin. Exactly at the point that draws a low breath out of Ava.  

She needs this excitement.  

Sara pushes her hips forward, so Ava is trapped between the console behind her and Sara. Ava throws her head back to give Sara more access.  

With one hand, Sara softly tucks on the hairs on the back of Ava's neck. A low and soft moan escapes Ava's lips and Sara knows she has her exactly where she wants her. She moves her head, so she can focus her attention on the other side of Ava.  

She slowly starts moving upwards.  

She needs this.  

Her lips are so close to Ava's mouth.  

She needs this distraction.  

Distraction.  

It makes Sara pause for a second. Ava's so much more than a distraction. They haven't seen each other in weeks. It should be special. Not some twisted way of comfort and said distraction.  

Ava immediately picks up on Sara's hesitation. She wiggles free from Sara's grip and tries to catch her eye.  

"Everything okay?" she whispers.  

Sara shakes her head and takes a step back. Seeing Ava standing there with her hair disheveled and clothes slightly wrinkled, makes everything so much harder. Despite how much she wants this, she can't do this right now. It wouldn't do either of them any good.  

Without saying anything, Sara turns around and walks away. She doesn't even have to think about how she has to walk to her bedroom. The route has become a routine, like someone might walk towards their bedroom in their parents' house.  

With a relieved sigh, she takes place on her bed. However, it doesn't take long for her mind to start spinning again. She has never been good at being alone in silence. It makes her start thinking and that isn't a good thing right now.  

She sees that man again. The man that she killed. There was so much blood.  

Sure, he wasn't the nicest man, but still. He probably had a family. Friends. A life that she took from him.  

And yet, she doesn't feel guilty. Not even the slightest, which makes her feel guilty. Just a different kind of guilty.  

When she thinks back to that alley - to all the cuts that she has inflicted on his body - a strange tingling of excitement spread through her body. It feels so good. She can almost feel the blood on her skin again. The worst part is that she longs for it.   

With a shake of her head, the thoughts leave.  

In an instant, she stands up. Sitting alone in her room is not a good idea. There is only one thing that always helped her clear her mind and relax.  

 

* * *

  

Ava watches Sara practically run away from her and she lets her. Just as Sara needs some time, she does too.  

After Sara has completely disappeared to wherever she was going, Ava turns around. She makes sure her clothes are straight again and she puts her hair up in its familiar bun.  

She wants to go after Sara and she will eventually if Sara doesn't seek her out first. Ava has no idea what to think about what just happened. They both aren't particular shy when it comes to intimacy and sex. This, however, felt different. They weren't in it with the right mindset. Sara probably needed something to take her mind of things and it's just a bonus that it prevented Ava from asking questions.  

And Ava isn't one to deny Sara Lance, but she is glad they stopped. Otherwise it would have made things even messier.  

Yet, it felt so good to finally have Sara close again. They decided it was best if they took things slow after everything that happened with Mallus. She still agrees with that choice, but that doesn't mean that she didn't miss Sara.  

They were so close to being together again, but it wasn't the right time. If it ever is.  

She wonders what Sara is doing now. Ava's completely aware that she doesn't really have the best coping mechanisms, so she's either drinking or punching things.  

While she lets Sara get everything out of her system, Ava could make herself useful and get a better understanding of the situation.  

She taps on the screen to activate it.  

"How can I help you, director Sharpe?" Gideon's polite voice asks.  

 Ava clasps her hands behind her back. She just has to treat this as a normal anachronism.  

"Are you positive there isn't any way in which we could fix the anachronism in 1958?"  

"Negative. The risks are too big."  

Ava hums disappointed. So there really is no way that they can travel back to 1958. It irks her massively. They are on a timeship and somehow they can't fix something in the past. She feels powerless and she hates it. There has to be something they can do.  

"Director Sharpe," Gideon interrupts her before she can get lost in her train of thoughts.  

Ava looks confused at the console in front of her. She knows it isn't possible, but Gideon almost sounds compassionate.  

"What is it, Gideon?" she asks suspiciously.  

"May I remind you of the fact that certain events in the past have effect on the behavior exhibited by people in the future. Captain Lance suffering from bloodlust again may have effect on her functioning later." 

Ava isn't one to swear, but she can't help a soft "fuck" from escaping her mouth. She hadn't thought of that. The bloodlust has an effect now, so that means that it also has had since Sara returned from 1960.  

"Do the Legends still defeat Mallus?" is the first thing Ava asks.  

"Yes, director Sharpe." 

"Time wants to happen," Ava mumbles to herself. "And the Legion of Doom and Savage?" she asks just to be sure.  

"They are still defeated by the Legends," Gideon confirms and Ava feels like she can breathe easier again.  

"However," Gideon continues. "There have been slight changes to the missions."  

"Like what?" Ava snaps. Sometimes she hates it that Gideon takes so much time before she says whatever she wants to say.  

"Captain Lance may have caused some casualties along the way." 

 

* * *

 

 

Ava decides to start searching for Sara. It takes awhile for time to set and they are on a timeship, but somehow it feels like they are running out of time. Maybe it is because Ava wants to have dealt with this as quickly as possible. She just wants to go back to how they were. Before all this, she thought that figuring out how a relationship between them might work was complicated. Now she realizes that it wasn't that complicated at all.  

Ava knows there are a few places where Sara might be. This isn't her first search for the Captain. In the beginning, she never knew where to look, but she was too proud to ask a Legend if she happened to run into one of them. Now, she knows the Waverider almost better than the Time Bureau's office building.  

After checking out Sara's room, the kitchen and even the library. She knew it wasn't very likely that Sara would be in the library, but it was on her way to the training room. When she comes closer to the training room, she can hear the sounds of someone working out.    

"Sara?" she exclaims a bit relieved when she spots Sara hitting and kicking a training dummy over and over again.  

It shouldn't come as much of a surprise that Sara decided to clear her mind by kicking the crap out of something. Ava feels her heart flutter at the sight and she wonders how fucked up she is herself if she thinks something like that is adorable.  

Sara immediately stops with her exercise and turns to look at Ava. With one hand, she puts a loose curl behind her hear. Her head is shining with sweat and she looks less troubled than first. Ava might even say that she looks happy. And attractive.   

It takes everything in Ava to not just continue whatever Sara started an hour ago.  

"Hi, Ava," Sara greets her almost happier than she should be, but Ava decides it's best not to say anything about it.  

Ava walks closer towards Sara and leans against the dummy. "Gideon just told me something," she tells Sara.  

Suddenly, she starts to wonder how she will react to hearing about another setback. Ava would like to spare Sara this news, but she has to inform her about this. There is only one person who could possibly tell them how to deal with this and that is Sara herself.  

"Well, what is it?" Sara asks confused and even a bit worried.  

Ava realizes she must have zoned out. She immediately relays everything Gideon just told her. Sara only looks at her and hums every now and then.  

"So, what you're saying is that we have to go back in time to stop myself from killing everyone around me?"  

Ava wants to deny it, because that sounds awful. It is the truth however, so she can only nod.  

"Okay," Sara shrugs.  

Ava looks a bit confused at her. "Okay?" she repeats.  

Sara chuckles. "Yes, okay. Ava, have you forgotten that we dealt with a literal time demon? This isn't even that weird." 

She is so relieved that she also chuckles. "That's right," she has to admit.  

"So," Sara says, sounding excited. "Where do we start?"  

Ava instantly stops laughing and orders herself to focus again. They can't afford any mistakes during this mission. And she will never say it aloud, but she's even a little bit excited for this mission.  

Sure, the reason why they even have to embark on this mission is far from exciting. However, Ava was starting to get bored with all those anachronisms she had to deal with. There is a limit on how much astonishment one can feel after seeing a historical figure in real life.  

"We can go over every mission you guys went on and ask Gideon if something has changed?" Ava proposes.  

Sara throws her bo-staff in the air and catches it again before walking away. "That sounds like a plan!" 

 

* * *

 

 

"There aren't any changes to the timeline during the team's mission to prevent the Pilgrim from killing the Legends," Gideon lets them know.  

Before that, Ava and Sara asked her about their missions in 2147 and the Wild West. So far, they haven't found any incidents.  

"Maybe it isn't as bad as we thought," Sara thinks aloud.  

Ava nods. "We've only gone over two missions though," she says.  

Sara looks at Ava while she is staring at the screen in front of her. She has no idea what Ava is thinking right now. The whole time, Ava appears focused and determined to fix this. There are no signs of what she is thinking about everything that is happening.  

To be honest, Sara is quite relaxed herself. Stopping herself in the past doesn't seem to be much of a problem. Ava just has to go back in time and snap her out of it. Laurel managed to do it before, so Ava probably can do it as well.  

Thinking about Laurel doesn't bring as much pain as it used to. That doesn't mean that she doesn't feel an immense feeling of grieve rushing through her. With everything going on, she almost forgot about what happened with her dad.  

Almost.  

She feels the tears starting to burn in her eyes and she has to swallow to stop them from falling. It only will drive her crazy, but Sara can't help but wonder what her father would think of her right now.  

He always saw the good in her. Although he never said it, Sara knew he wasn't happy about the things she had done. Sara can't blame him, but she appreciates it that he never told her. She's still a little daddy's girl in that way. 

Was.  

Her mind goes back to when she went to visit Laurel's grave with her father, after they had defeated Savage. Her father encouraged her to go back to the Waverider and join the Legends in saving time. He told her they didn't need her help with defending Darhk. It's the last time she saw him. The real him. Not her father from Earth X, whose personality was as far from her father as possible.  

"Sara," Ava's concerned voice snaps her out of her thoughts. "Are you still with me?" 

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about..." She stops herself before she can finish that sentence. Ava doesn't know about her father. Sara wants to tell her and she will – after they have taken care of everything.  

It would just add another layer that they can't really use right now.  

"Never mind," Sara decides to say. "What were you saying?" 

She sees how Ava looks at her. The many questions are visible in her eyes and Sara is only glad that Ava doesn't ask any of them. She just wished she could be honest with Ava and tell her everything.  

Tell her about the sadness she feels following her father's death. Or tell her about how she's scared of herself. She has no idea what she's capable of. She thinks back to when she put on the death totem and Mallus took over. He almost made her take out her whole team. Meanwhile he was trying to win her over to his side.  

That's another thing she never told Ava. She was actually considering accepting Mallus' offer. A life without pain and guilt sounded really nice. It still does. Yet, she knows she should be careful with what she wishes for. Without the pain and the guilt, she wouldn't be here today. It made her who she is and without is, she would probably never have boarded the Waverider. And with that, she would have never met Ava.  

Her eyes shoot up to Ava again and she gives her a small smile. They can deal with this. Together.  

And after that, she will tell her about her father and they will deal with that as well. Ava catches her eye and returns her small smile with one of her own.  

"I have discovered an anachronism created by Captain Lance," Gideon suddenly says and thereby interrupts the tender moment they just had.  

Sara shakes her head slightly to get her focus back. "What is it?" Sara asks.  

"It concerns Captain Hunter," Gideon tells them.

"He is killed by Captain Lance during their mission against Savage."  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much action in this chapter, but all the dialogue was necessary to further the plot.   
> I hope you guys liked it though!   
> Let me know what you whether you liked it or not. Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)


	3. We're lookin' for angels in the darkest of skies

Ava looks confused at Sara and then at Gideon in the form of her hologram. "Director Hunter?" she asks. She is still used to using his old title.  

"Yes," Gideon answers. "Shortly after the Legends returned to the Waverider to help Captain Hunter with his fight against Savage." 

Ava sees Sara nod. "Do you have any idea when and how this could have happened?" she asks Sara.  

"Yes, I guess," Sara drawls. It's clear that it isn't something she likes to talk about, but she has to if they want to prevent her from killing Rip.  

"Well?" Ava tries.  

"I found out he kept Laurel's death a secret from me, so I was angry with him when we returned," Sara explains.  

Ava raises her eyebrows. She knew a lot about Sara after reading her file, but this is something she had no idea about. Of course, she was aware that Sara was dropped off six months later, because otherwise she and her father would have been killed in their fight against Darhk. Rip keeping her sister's death from her wasn't included in that file and Ava can't help but think that it was intentional from Rip.  

She can feel herself getting her angry with her deceased boss. However, there is no time to think about it too long. "I will go there and stop this from happening. Are you monitoring me from the Waverider?"  

Sara nods. "Yes, I will. Do you think you can do this alone? We can get the rest of the Legends to help out," she suggests.  

Ava thinks about it for a second. A little help couldn't hurt, but she has no idea if bringing in the Legends is the best option. Not only because of their habit to screw up things even more, but also because she isn't sure whether they know how to deal with Sara's bloodlust. The last thing they need is to have those screw-ups agitating their captain.  

And even more, Legends and their emotions aren't the best combination on a mission. She knows for sure that the team seeing Rip again wouldn't do the mission any good. Even Ava hasn't really processed the death of her former director completely.

"I think it is best if I do this alone," Ava eventually answers.  

Sara looks at her and she seems to understand Ava's logic without needing any explanation. "Agree. Let's do this." 

"Gideon, can you upload the right time and location to my time courier?" Ava asks 

"Of course, Director Sharpe."  

Ava waits until she sees her time courier light up, indicating that Gideon did her job. She turns to Sara again. 

"Do you have any advice on how I have to deal with you when the bloodlust takes over?"  

She hates to ask it, but she doesn't want to go in a mission without gathering some information first. Sara didn't know her back then, so she can't just ask her to stop. The only thing Ava could think of was to just knock Sara out. There is a chance, however, that Sara is too quick and knows to dodge Ava. That means she would have to fight Sara who is under the influence of her bloodlust. She has confidence in her own fighting skills, but she knows that it isn't a fight she could win. It might even end with her dead.  

Sara shrugs. "I don't think there is a particular way how to snap me out of it. With Laurel, it was enough for her to just scream my name. Rip actually did the same thing. Thea and Ollie couldn't do it, though." 

They are silent for a few minutes while they just look at each other. Ava can spot the traces of shame in Sara's eyes. She once told Ava that her biggest fear was becoming a monster. Even though she didn't say it, Ava knew Sara was referring to her time shortly after the Lazarus' pit. They never really talk about it, but Ava just knows that her time without a soul had a larger impact on her than she likes to admit.  

"You could use your flasher to knock me out. I assume that when I wake up, I have calmed down again. At least, I hope so," Sara proposes.  

"That's our best option, I think," Ava agrees. Using her flasher would still knock Sara out, but it doesn't require any hand-to-hand combat.  

Sara informs her as best as she can about the situation and then it's time for Ava to go. To her surprise, she is quite nervous. It isn't her Sara back there, but it is still weird to go on a mission against her own future girlfriend.  

"Okay, open portal and initiate extraction," Ava says, falling back into protocol.  

She activates her time courier and a portal in front of her opens. She walks from the bridge of the current Waverider to the bridge of the Waverider in the past.  

It is still empty, but it will be a matter of time before everyone shows up.  

"No one here yet," she tells Sara over their coms.  

"I suggest you hide. Just your presence there isn't enough to stop me and it will only distract the rest of the team," Sara immediately answers.  

Ava can hear the nerves in her voice, which trembles slightly. It puts Ava a little at ease that she isn't the only one who is anxious about this mission.  

She has no time to process it any further, because the sound of the Legends approaching slowly grows louder. As quiet as possible, she hurries over to the wall of the bridge and hides behind a pillar. She hopes that the team is so distracted by Sara and Rip that they don't notice her.  

"Despite my wishes to pursue Savage alone, it seems that you're all intent on seeing this through till the bitter -," Rip says while they enter the bridge.  

It turns out she's right. Before any team member can look around, Sara has Rip pinned against the glass wall of the office.  

"Oh! Speaking of bitter," Rory remarks.  

Ava checks the settings of her flasher and stealthily makes her way over to Sara. During that time, Sara has pulled her knife and it holding it against Rip's throat.  

"You knew," she snarls.  

Ava can hear the hurt in Sara's voice, but she forces herself not to focus on that right now. She's really close, when Ray spots her.  

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" he asks, not even alarmed by her presence.  

Rory, on the opposite, draws his fire gun.   

In the background, Sara doesn't even care about Ava. She's still holding her knife. "You dropped us off five months later because you knew!"  

Jefferson is also looking suspicious at Ava, ready to fight. At the same time, he is still concentrated on Sara and Rip. "Knew what?" 

"Who are you?" Rory asks. The threat is audible in his voice.  

Ava holds up her hands. "I'm also from the future and I'm here to prevent Sara from killing Rip."    
   
She decided not to use any decoy. If she doesn't tell the truth, they may not take her seriously.    
   
The whole team looks at her, trying to figure out if they can trust her or not. Ava looks from Rory to Stein. She can only hope that Stein can see the good intention in her eyes. From all the legends, she expects Ray or Stein to believer her first. Rory and Jefferson might be a whole different story. Whether Sara or Rip would believe her or not, isn't even important right now.    
   
Sara is still making threats and Ava knows she has to handle quickly, otherwise it may be too late. She squares her shoulders and tries to radiate as much authority as possible while she steps forward and raises her flasher. The rest of the Legends don't stop her, so she's probably in the clear.    
   
She's about to knock Sara out, when Ray speaks up. "Look, Sara. I'm sure there's a valid reason why Rip didn't -."    
   
He never gets to finish his sentence. In one movement, Sara stabs Rip in his abdomen and turns around to throw a knife at Ray. The knife lodges itself in his shoulder, just above his heart. The impact makes him stumble back and a pained scream fills the room.    
   
It's the first time that Ava can look Sara in the eye. Although, she isn't really looking at Sara right now. Those eyes aren't the same one that she has started to love. The Sara she knows always has tenderness in her eyes despite the wall that she still keeps up.    
   
There is nothing but anger and an alarming kind of hunger in the eyes of this Sara. She turns back to Rip, who is starting to collapse.    
   
"You knew!" she screams. "You knew!"    
   
"I'm sorry," he stutters.    
   
She takes the knife out and stabs him again.    
   
It takes a second for Ava to react. A second too long.    
   
Sara has stabbed him again. Rip is lucky that Sara likely didn't hit any vital organs, otherwise he would have passed out by now, which would make him completely defenseless. Ava pushes Jefferson away, who is trying to block her way from getting to Sara. The rest of the team, however, is too stunned to actually care about whatever Ava is doing there.    
   
They are all busy with Ray, who is losing a serious amount of blood. His whole shoulder is covered in it and a small puddle of blood is starting to form on the floor. Sara probably hit a major vein, intentional or not. Only Jefferson is still trying to talk Sara out of it. Luckily, he is smart enough not to engage with her in combat.    
   
Ava doesn't have that choice though. She grabs Sara's shoulder and tries to turn her around. Her flasher is ready to be used. What Ava didn't expect was for Sara to push Rip away with so much force that it takes Jefferson out.    
   
Sara turns around. Her anger is clearly focused on Ava know. She backs away, but Sara just follows her. The knife is still in her hand and blood is dripping on the floor. There is a malicious smile on Sara's face. She's breathing heavily. Not because she's exhausted, but because her adrenaline levels are most likely too high. Ava didn't expect to ever be afraid of Sara, but right now she is.    
   
Her heart is beating so fast that she's able to hear it. Besides, her hands are so sweaty that she's afraid that she will drop the flasher.    
   
With an animalistic snarl, Sara jumps forward. There isn't any trained grace in her movements like Ava is used of her. Sara's movement are pure instinct right now. Instint that is telling her to kill. She grabs the arm that isn't holding the flasher and painfully turns it. Only a few more inches and her arm will break. Sara doesn't do it, though. She tries to kick Ava just below her knee, so she will fall to the ground.    
   
However, Ava anticipated this move. She has sparred with Sara before and she knows which moves she likes to use. Apparently, the bloodlust doesn't change that. She knows to jump out of the way.    
   
It takes Sara by surprise, but therefor it only fuels her anger. She releases Ava's arm and is ready to attack again with her knife when Jefferson joins the fight.    
   
He pushes Sara away from Ava. "Sara! You've got to stop!"    
   
There is so much fire and hate in Sara's eyes that Ava is sure that she will kill Jefferson. Sara starts to attack him, swinging her knife left and right. He is only able to dodge all her attacks. Not once is he able to enforce an attack of his own.    
   
Ava fastens her grip on the flasher and once again moves closer to Sara. This time, she doesn't even bother doing it properly. She just uses the flasher while Sara is engaged in her fight with Jefferson.    
   
The flasher doesn't hit her in the middle of her forehead like it is supposed to, but luckily the side of her head is enough to knock her out. She falls down and Jefferson is able to catch her.    
   
"What the hell did you just do?" he asks angry. The adrenaline hasn't left his body yet and his fight reaction is still active.    
   
"I just saved your life," Ava remarks as if it's normal.    
   
Jefferson still looks at her scared and confused, but he decides to let it go. He slowly and carefully lowers Ava to the ground. She will be taken to the Medbay later.    
   
Ava turns around and looks at the bridge. Rip is laying against the frame of the office. His hand is pressed to his stomach, where blood is oozing out of. He isn't unconscious, but he isn't exactly conscious either.    
   
Stein hurries his way over to him and starts to tend to his wounds. Ray is being lifted by Rory. The knife is still lodged in his shoulder and he's still losing a lot of blood. In contrast to Rip, he is completely unconscious and it doesn't surprise Ava that he doesn't have a really high tolerance to pain.    
   
Ava decides she can help Stein in making sure that everything is okay with Rip. The fact that Raymond's situation looks worse right now, doesn’t mean that Sara didn't inflict serious damage on Rip.    
   
She crouches down next to Stein and Rip. Stein only looks at her suspiciously for a second, before he returns his attention to Rip. It's clear that they will worry about Ava later.    
   
"It doesn't look like any vital organs were hit by miss Lance," Stein concludes after inspecting the wound. "We need to take him to the Medbay as soon as possible."    
   
Stein looks at her expectantly. She doesn't understand why until she looks around. Rory has taken Ray to the Medbay and Jefferson has followed him while carrying a knocked-out Sara.    
   
Ava nods and starts to lift Rip in her arms. He has never been extremely muscular or heavy, so it's doesn't even cost her that much energy. Without asking, she walks towards the Medbay. This only increases their suspicion of her, of course.    
   
After she has laid Rip down, she's held at gun point by Rory again.    
   
"Again, who are you?" he roars.    
   
"I'm director Sharpe. I was sent here to prevent miss Lance from killing Captain Hunter," she answers.    
   
"What do you mean from the future?" Jefferson asks.    
   
Stein sighs. "Like miss Sharpe said, she's from the future, which means that Rip was supposed to die?" he deduces.    
   
Ava has to give him credit that he isn't that far off with his theory. "Not exactly. When miss Lance was left behind in 1958, she was supposed to get rid of her bloodlust. Due to an unfixable change in history, that never happened."    
   
Everyone is silent. Only the sounds of the monitors behind them are filling the room.  

"So, you're saying that miss Lance was able to overcome her so-called bloodlust?" Stein asks intrigued.  

"Why don't you just go back in time and fix it?" Jefferson suggests. The irritation and suspicion are noticeable in his tone. He is leaning against the wall of the Medbay and continues looking at Ava with distrust.  

Ava explains everything like she did to Sara. Everyone is even more silent.  

"What can we do to help?" Stein asks determined to help Sara. 

 

* * *

 

 

Sara was slouching down in the sofa in the office of the Waverider. She had a glass of whiskey in her hand, which she had been nursing for the past hour while Ava was away on her mission. They had agreed that Sara would monitor Ava during her mission to stop Sara from killing Rip, but it turned out that didn't really work.  

She couldn't really do anything from the Waverider. Ava knew her well enough to stop past-self from hurting anyone. Or at least, Sara hoped so. The only thing she can do right now, is waiting for Ava to come back.  

There is nothing she can do and Sara hates being helpless. She has always been restless. To be honest, she can't remember a moment in which she could just relax and do nothing without something on her mind.  

It started when she went to high school. Like any high school student, her life was filled with drama. Her peak of drama was sleeping with someone's boyfriend and somehow getting the blame for it. It had been years ago, but she still feels the injustice of it. He could walk away while she was the culprit.  

Shortly after that, everything with Ollie happened. The years after that weren't exactly a walk in the park either, of course. And now, she was so close to having some sort of vacation, but then her father died and her bloodlust returned. It feels as if she isn't allowed to relax.  

This time too, she didn't have long to rest because a portal opens and Ava returns. Sara immediately stands up. She wants to make her way over to Ava and kiss her, but there are more important matters.  

"How did it go?" Sara asks anxious.  

Ava doesn't look hurt or injured, so that means everything went well. Right? Only a few hairs have escaped from their tight bun.

"I was able to knock past-you out. The team was distrustful at first, but it didn't prevent me from completing the mission," Ava debriefs her. "I told them the only thing they could do to help was to use the flasher if something like that happens again and I am not there to help them."

"So, everything is fine?"   

 Ava nods. "Yes. Rip and Dr. Palmer got hurt, but they will be fine and past-you is sleeping it off in the Medbay."  

Sara sighs relieved. She moves towards the desk and leans against it. Her eyes are on Ava. Something is different. Ava is still Ava with her straight posture and hands clasped behind her back, but Sara can just sense something is wrong. Since the League, she has always been good at reading people. Sure, Ava wasn't always that easy to read, but she had gotten good at it. Now, however, she has no idea what the other woman is thinking.  

"Everything alright?" Sara asks slowly and a bit suspicious. Maybe the mission didn't go as well as Ava wants her to believe.   

"Peachy," she answers too quick for it to be believable.  

Sara nods while she crosses her arms in front of her chest. "You sure?" she presses. 

An intense irritation starts to develop and spread through her body. Her hands turn into fists and she feels her nails press into her hands. Not hard enough to drawl blood, but hard enough to hurt if she would be able to notice it. She doesn't, however.  

She is too focused on other things. Her breathing starts to become harder. Her eyes narrow and she takes a step forward, closer to Ava.  

Intuitively, Ava takes a step backwards.

There is something she isn't telling her. 

"What is it?" she almost shouts.

Red starts to fill her vision of Ava. She can almost smell the iron of someone's blood. Her knife. She has a knife on her. She always has, but this time she doesn't need it. Right now, she wants answers and a knife isn't the best way to get those. There are more efficient ways to get someone to talk. They all flash through her head and a part of her wants to return to the Amazo, where she could torture people all day.  

She hated it back then, but that was then. Now, she actually wants to.  

"Sara," Ava asks concerned. The concern in her voice is a surprise, because she isn't scared. Somehow, Ava isn't scared of Sara, who was stalking towards her like a predator ready to grab its prey. This makes Sara snap out whatever state she's in.  

"Ava," she mumbles. "I'm so sorry." 

Her voice is nothing more than a soft stutter. She can't even look Ava in the eye. How can she? She just envisioned torturing her almost girlfriend. All the bloodlust disappears and makes room for shame.  

"I'm sorry," Sara repeats herself, before storming away.  

Her shoulder softly bumps into Ava, but she doesn't let it stop her. She just has to get away from Ava. Far away if it were up to her.  

Ava, however, isn't going to let her go so easily.  

"Sara," she shouts while walking after Sara, who doesn't stop running away.  

It's only when Sara has reached the Cargo bay and has slid down the wall, that Ava is able to catch up with her. Sara knows Ava is there, but she doesn't acknowledge her. She isn't ready to admit and talk about whatever transpired a few minutes ago.  

"What happened?" Ava asks, of course.  

Sara rolls her eyes. She should have known that she wouldn't get off easily.  

"Nothing," she still tries.  

From the corner of her eye, Sara can see Ava shake her head. "That wasn't nothing Sara. I suddenly lost you and then you run away without explanation."  

"You forgot the part where you got scared of me," Sara adds irritated and suddenly it makes sense. Ava's different behavior was the result of her seeing Sara under the influence of the bloodlust. She hadn't seen it before. Only the aftermath.  

Ava doesn't say anything. She just sits down beside Sara and this time their shoulders touch. Sara can't help herself but lean a bit against Ava. They are silent while they sit there for an unknown amount of time.  

"I could never be scared of you," Ava eventually tells her. Her voice is a bit hoarse of saying nothing for so long and the dry air that away hangs in the Cargo bay.  

"Why not? You should be," Sara replies defensive.  

They look at each other and Sara has to do her best not to take too much comfort from Ava's eyes, because Ava will leave eventually. Every sane person would, right? 

"Because I know you won't hurt me," Ava says without any doubt.  

Sara scoffs. "I shouldn't count on that." 

Ava chuckles and Sara fronses at that. She can't exactly see the humor. 

"I thought by now you would know I can take care of myself."  

This time, Sara lets out a soft chuckle too. "Oh, I know."  

Her mind goes back to when the Legends were still an enemy of the Time Bureau. While the rest was busy with freeing Ray and Jax from the circus, she had to deal with Ava. Their fight was intense and fair. It had been a while since anyone could match her during a fight.  

"I just know if you can take care of yourself against me," she admits and it feels good to be honest.  

This isn't what she's used to, but it feels good to talk to Ava about everything. She would deal with this alone if she could, but the fact is that she can't, so why not let everything out. Almost everything, that is.  

"Then I just have to trust that something of you is still in there when the bloodlust takes over," Ava says optimistically.  

Sara only scoffs again with a slight shake of her head.  

"I couldn't do this without you," she says aloud before she even realizes it. 

She feels incredibly vulnerable after admitting that. She didn't even intend to say it. It just came out, but when she looks at Ava, all feelings of vulnerability disappear. Ava's eyes are fixed on her and there are a million emotions visible in them.  

Sara swallows. This is what she wanted for so long and this time it feels right. She turns so she is facing Ava. 

"We've communicated enough. Now it's time for some non-verbal communication, right?" Sara whispers.  

Ava doesn't even answer. Her hand goes towards Sara's neck and she pulls her closer until their lips are touching. Their breaths are heavy while they kiss.  

Sara moves so she's sitting on Ava's lap and therefore is slightly higher than her. It's as if they kiss for the first time, but at the same time it feels as if she's coming home. She feels everything and enjoys everything. The way in which Ava runs her tongue over Sara's upper lip. Or the way in which Sara can nibble on Ava's under lip while slightly using her teeth.  

Ava's hand disappears under Sara's shirt and a soft moan escapes her mouth once Ava's fingers reach the fabric of her bra.  

"Bedroom," Sara says with a husky voice.  

Ava nods without interrupting their kiss.  

Sara's bedroom is close, but it feels miles away. Maybe it takes so long, because they continuously stop to make out against the walls of the Waverider.   

They finally reach her door and Sara pushes Ava inside. Sara hasn't even closed the door when Ava takes her shirt off. It's a sight that she will never get used to. She moves closer, but instead of kissing her, she focusses on her neck. Moving closer towards her breasts. Meanwhile, her hands start to move upwards to take her bra off.  

Ava doesn't let her take control that easy, though. She flips them around, so she can push towards the bed. Sara lets herself fall on the bed and Ava follows her. There is a second in which they both do nothing expect stare at each other. Just when they want to continue, Gideon speaks up.  

"Excuse me, Captain. Incoming transmission of agent Green." 

"Agent Green?" Sara asks confused.  

"Gary," Ava answers with a shaky breath. 

Sara sighs and hides her head against Ava's shoulder. "Fucking Gary."  

"What is it?" she snaps.  

"Captain Lance," Gary's always excited but slightly nervous voice fills the room. 

"Way to ruin the mood," Ava mumbles quiet enough for Gary not to hear her. Sara chuckles and quickly gives Ava a kiss before Gary starts speaking again.  

"I want to inform you of an anachronism involving you and Damien Darhk in 1942."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this one! Let me know if you did :)


End file.
